In my adventures of opening a new bank account in the UK, I met my current account manager. My sister insisted on reminding that the banker was just doing her job and being polite. Yet, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about something she said.
She wore all navy, except her trousers, which were black – it was the uniform. She had on a plain navy hijab, unlike some of the beautiful ones you see around London. I saw a photo of one of her two daughters, who was more adorable than the human race, dressed up as a doctor. A pink stethoscope around her neck, grinning, these two half dimples creasing into her cheeks, she had the same smile as her mother.
The account manager told me she lost her father when she was 14 years old, and had to start working to support her family. I first thought about how we rarely hear of these experiences. I have heard every story about overcoming death, grief, war, suicides and depression. Her words were so nonchalant, as if it were just average facts of life. She told me she would never let her children reach that state of desperation, because she saved up every cent she didn’t need. She said she made sure she had life insurance, for her kids’ sake. It was admirable. She had it all planned out. Through our entire conversation, she was teary eyed, but never let a drop move any further. Just so contained, in control of her life, of everything that had been handed to her and of everything that had been taken away from her.
Every now and then, I realise I have no control like that. I think we all feel like sometimes, we just flail about, no plan or anything, just hoping to catch onto something. More than often, whatever we catch onto is not what we need or want, but we get so convinced that it’s fate, or that desperation to hold onto that one comfort, despite all of its flaws and all the unhappiness it brings, that we lose sight of what we could really achieve, what we could really catch if we just took a moment, and planned.
For instance, right now. This entire post might be a steaming pile of bullshit for all I know, but it’s what I have now, and I’m so focused on my vision to see this story in a certain way, that I probably won’t budge off my point. And that’s okay, just as long as I don’t decide to anything too ridiculous off the bat.